Saturday, November 15, 2008
Being Transparent...
I was reading in my "mommy" devotional this morning and it was talking about being transparent with people, especially moms. I have felt or am feeling almost everything that she mentions in the book.
No one ever told me that becoming a mom would be so lonely...
Or that you couldn't let people know that you were "not having a good day"...
That you didn't have to have a "happy face" even when you were feeling down...
Or that you could have "down days"...
Although I would NEVER trade my son for anything in this world, it is so lonely, and there are bad days. There are days that you feel like you are the only person in the world because you have not seen anyone but your child that day (and your husband) Please don't take this the wrong way, I love my family, I would do anything for them... I also know that being a new mom, I don't know how to balance my personal life very well yet. Before Wyatt was born I worked full-time, ever since I was 16 and could work! I thought I would have Wyatt and then 6 weeks later return to work. I know this is a very wrong opinion but I didn't ever see myself as a stay-at-home-mom. After getting over the "baby-blues" I realize that this is where I need to be, this is where I want to be. I have been enjoying so much staying at home with Wyatt and being able to see him do his funny everyday things that I would have otherwise missed! For me, this is right.
Goodness...I said ALL that to ask this. How do I get back into things? How do I have a "social" life again? I know that all moms don't stay in their house all day...that they can do things with friends that they have things in common with, how do I find that? I have always just made friends, with a baby it is different because a lot of my friends do not have children?
I have never been this transparent in my life! I really feel like if more people or women in this case, would be open and transparent we could learn so much from each other. So I am being transparent and asking for your advise!
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9 comments:
Grrrr....I just typed a long, eloquent comment just to have my shut down before I could save it!! :-)
Anyway, I don't have any great advice. I know I would have some big adjustments if I were to stay home. I know this is a wonderful blessing and sacrifice you are making for your family. This stage of your life won't last forever.
BTW, being 'real' or transparent has been a personal quest of mine. I believe it's biblical, too. The Bible says we are to bear one another's burdens and to be accountable to each other and encourage each other.
I posted a blog about it on March 22, 2007, if you want to look it up. Hang in there!! Big hugs to you!!
I struggle with being transparent too. It is good to have someone to be accountable and you can pour your heart out to, for me, Crystal is that person.
For me, my life is so much different than a "social life" it all changes, Wes and I were talking about it today. Unfortunately our culture defines your worth by "what you do" and we feel that....suddenly it doesn't matter if you stay in your PJ's all day, you don't have others around you (good or bad influences) to talk to , you have this little people that make you laugh and make you cry.
I was really praying about this a couple of years ago because I was feeling very lonely and God answered that in a wonderful way.
You are always welcome to come here if you need to get out of the house. Honestly, we don't get out much....but you know what, I'm okay with that now, my life is busy but I am fulfilled as a wife and mother much more than when I was working as a nurse.
Love you!!
Misty
Boy, you're brave...being transparent. LOL! Apparently you have better luck than I do! I remember...it was hard. Sometimes it's still hard. I started taking time for me when Paul was there for the boys as we didn't have anyone who could babysit. Sometimes I just let and went to town cause I couldn't stand it anymore. To be transparent...it wasn't very good for me when the boys were little. I ended up in the hospital. But I found that painting class, lots of music...band and piano performances...concerts...going back to college were life savors for me. I guess I'm a loner...don't know if by choice or because I'm too transparent. LOL. Sometimes it's easier as you don't hurt when your not invited when others are etc. Blogging and internet contacts help a lot too. There are really great blog friends out there like you and your mother, others. But I really understand because even though our situations in life are different, I think we share a lot of the same feelings about life. Thanks for your friendship.
OK so I don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone! I worked up until about 4 or 5 months ago, & staying at home with the kids all the time now really does get lonely. Yes the kids keep me pretty busy most of the time, but it is definitely hard not to have that daily interaction with other adults! So I totally understand what you're saying!
Thank you all for your comments, although I am sorry that you all are lonely, it is kind of nice to know that I am not alone! Thank you for understanding and for being such great friends!
You just need to move here so we can hang out!
Okay, I have no kids, so I have no advice along those lines, but as someone without kids who stays home and lives in an area with very few people of my own age and background, I want to encourage you to seek out friendships with those young women with no kids. You may find that there's a woman near you who is eager for some companionship and would loooove even someone to go grocery shopping with now and then! My best friends both here and back home are mommas! :-) I have learned so much about motherhood by spending time with those young moms, and it's nice getting to spend time with other people's kids before I can have some of my own. I think the transparency you are trying to have is great. It's a big help to those that do not have children yet to see how young moms deal with everything that we may have to deal with in the future. Oh, and if you get a few childless friends, you may end up with a willing babysitter so you and your hubby can have a date night. ;-)(Or a companion to go shopping with who could help corral your kid/kids since they have none of their own to worry about).
These days, not many people without kids stay home, so you may not have many options in that area either. After I moved here, I didn't really know any single women or women without kids that stayed home. It really did get lonely fast, and I don't even have a little one to have to schedule social time around. I finally found a few good friends that I can have an adult conversation with now and then. Since there weren't any other stay-at-home wives with no children that I knew, all those people were mommies! I think it's been nice for both me and them. I have a little more freedom to come and go than they do, but together, we can do things a bit easier. I can visit at their houses or help them take the kids somewhere or even babysit now and then so they can do "mommy things." :-)Anyways, I pray that you are never lonely for long. You're doing a great thing for your son, and I'm sure it's comforting for your husband too to know that his son is always in good hands!
I've enjoyed reading about you and your little guy. I'm sure he's been a great blessing!
-Jessica
I forgot to mention,even if your friends that don't have kids are college friends, especially if they are far from home, they just might enjoy being around a baby. Don't feel like just because there are a lot of young single girls around for them to hang out with that you have nothing "fun" to offer a college friend. I really missed all of my cousins' kids when I was in college, so it was always so nice when I got to spend a little time with a family, any family, with kids. Just a thought. :o)
Jessica
Hey! You just said so many things in this post that I have felt before too and didn't feel like I could be transparent with either. I have been there. I have been in your shoes. I have walked the lonely mile, searching for a friend. I understand. Ok...and having said all that, I wouldn't trade what I have been blessed with for anything. God is helping me, as I have been asking Him to help me. He is proving to be a friend that sticks closer to a brother. Thank you for being transparent. I have a little book called, "Motherhood is not for Sissies." That is so true! It takes strength, determination, patience, love, and lots and lots of wisdom. You are not alone. Wish I could help you bear your burden better, but I will be thinking of you. Hang in there!
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